2002-12-17 - 1:52 p.m.
I am the Japanese Bob Dylan
Recently I was stuck on a double-shift at work. During the long, dull hours I proceeded to read each and every post Craigslist had to offer. I uncovered a little post from a Japanese television production company looking for folk singers that cover 'Blowing in the Wind' by Bob Dylan. I thought, "How many roads da-da daa-daa-daa", yeah, I know that, and proceeded to enthusiastically reply.
A few days later I received a voicemail from a Japanese woman struggling to speak English. It took two listens to decipher "Brooing indie wind", and a minute or more longer to remember the post I'd responded to. Prickishly, I ignored the message and went about my business.
After getting hounded with messages I started feeling guilty and returned the calls. At one point the fragile woman on the phone asked if I was the Strawberry Werewolf. I sheepishly answered yes. They arranged to meet me on my day-off. I was unable to do a morning shoot, so they agreed to drive out to Jersey and shoot me there in the eve. I had practiced the song for a day or two and had it sounding pretty sweet.
We were to meet at a cafe in JC called Ground. The crew arrived and 5 Japanese guys loaded-in large boxes of gear, huge tripods and cameras, and a long fluffy boom-mic. I signed a release-form for a company called Japan Network and away we went.
They sat me on a cushy chair in the corner and encouraged the butt-smoking croissant-munchers already in the room to stay where they were and act naturally. The audio guy pulled-up my sweater and taped a small mic to my chest hair. I thought to myself, this is probably how Dylan got started, and sucked it in. They cued me to begin playing, and I did. Back at home I sounded great. I put old Bobby D himself to shame. But here on camera, I was stiff as a plank, and flubbed every other line. I was blemish on the face of American folk music. They shot my body from every angle, at times jamming the camera inches from my nose.
After disgracing the song 4 or 5 times, it was time for my interview. This is what I had looked forward to all along. I've always wanted to be interviewed on camera about music. This was my Behind the Music. They asked for short, punchy answers to complex questions. They were shopping for sound bites, and I was selling diatribes. I commented on the meaning of the song. I commented on post 9/11 NYC. I told them that the majority of Americans out there would probably not be behind forever banning cannonballs anytime soon. It was kind of a bummer. I blew my chance at being an ultra-left propagandist for all of Japan... "Yeah man, we're all gunna rise-up as one and BAN cannonballs man. Forever man!"
